Borderline Personality Disorder

People with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) are sensitive and intelligent. In fact, they are so sensitive that it would hurt them tremendously if they felt they had done wrong. Being incapable of feeling that they have done wrong, they project their inner demons onto one or more intimate others, and intermittently torture those others.

Luckily, most of you have never had a Borderline in your life. If you have never been close to a Borderline, you may have difficulty believing what they can do. The reason it was originally termed "Borderline" Personality Disorder was because it bordered the divide between between neurotic and psychotic. Though psychiatric diagnoses are never perfect, the behaviors generally ascribed to Borderlines include:

  • They manifest as Dr. Jekyll or My Hyde, being your best friend/lover, or your worst enemy. On their good side they are amazing partners, enticing Sirens.
  • They are prone to intermittent rages (Adult Temper Tantrums), triggered by either something trivial, or nothing at all, which are so extreme, that during a rage the Borderline is capable of almost any violence.
  • They distort reality (called Gaslighting) in order to project an image of being a good person and a victim. They want you (the other) to appear the villain. They will accuse you of doing or saying things you never did or said, and otherwise distort past experiences.
  • They keep their rage behavior very well hidden from everyone other than the victim of their rages. To others, they often seem amazingly engaging and friendly.
  • Some believe that Borderlines, when very young, never integrated the "good" and the "bad" mother into one person. Thus, as adults, they "split you black or white".
  • Sometimes Borderlines, as children, were not allowed to express any anger by a parent.
  • Though usually bright intellectually, emotionally, Borderlines are small children in adult bodies. Their sensitivity, vulnerability, and tendency to project makes them incapable of maturely trying to heal any damage they do. A Borderline's final action towards you will often be her worst (though most Borderlines seem to be women, this is not always the case). A therapist whose former best friend (another therapist) was a Borderline warned me "It never gets better".
  • Borderline rages are nothing like fights. Borderline rages are not fights, they are attacks without any mercy or empathy. Their purpose is to hurt the other as much as humanly possible, usually verbally, sometimes physically. The rages alternate with periods where the Borderline is your best friend and lover, seeing deeply into your soul, and seeming to not even remember the rages. Those in relationship with a Borderline are often guilty, along with the Borderline, of acting as if the rage had not taken place once it ends.

    If you think you have a Borderline in your life, there is help and support for you:

  • The wonderful book "Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder" By Randi Kreger and Paul Mason.
  • The articles on Borderlines at www.gettinbetter.com, are insightful and helpful. This woman totally understands the experience of being in a relationship with a Borderline.
  • The forums (called the Nook) at www.bpdcentral.com, for people who have or have had a Borderline in their life.
  • M. Scott Peck's book "People of The Lie - The Hope for Healing Human Evil".
  • A psychologist friend once told me that Borderline Personality Disorder is the affliction "that can never see itself". It is disturbing and life changing to be in a relationship with such a split personality, who can alternate creative, loving and friendly companionship with what seems like demonic possession. They would rather destroy others (and themselves), than to maturely heal what they have done.

    If you feel that your partner is sometimes an angelic soul mate, and at other times is extremely emotionally abusive, check out the resources mentioned here or contact me.



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